So, at work we keep a log of stupid things our fine customers say. No, really. It's a notebook entitled "Famous Quotes" you all should really see it sometime. We've had quite unbelievable quotes from people, but today I added one that I think topped the charts.
And I quote: "This isn't fucking Russia!!"

Now, where would such an utterance come from, might you ask. I mean, this is a pharmacy, not a political meeting of any sort. But today, when I told a 70-something woman that she couldn't sit in the drive-thru (hence the name) for 15 minutes and wait for her prescription, so proceeded to tell me something about how "this is America" and my reply was the classic look of confusion, and this is the truth I swear, I said "uh...what?" I had to take a minute and step back and think about what this woman was telling me. But instead I told her it would be 15 minutes she could go wait in the parking lot and come back in 15 into the other lane. To this, she backed her car up, and just shimmied right into the other lane, assuming, I guess, that she was just going to wait there in the pick-up lane. I had had it so I was just going to leave her there to sit when, of course, another car pulls behind her. At this point my partner stepped in and asked the woman to move so we could take care of the person behind her and that she couldn't wait in the drive-thru. And to this, her reply was "This isn't fucking Russia!!" and then some more ramblings on about how this was just ridiculous and she left another pharmacy before this one because of the wait (basically, in a nutshell, one of the just-give-it-to-me people). The customers inside were truly aghast as the woman kept yelling in the drive-thru about America and Russia (because, I can only assume, in Russia prescriptions take 15 minutes to fill, whereas in America, they are magically filled when you get there) and then asked for her prescriptions back. I kinda want to know where she eventually took it, seeing as the store down the street from us is usually an hour wait, and the one beyond that in the next town over is probably more because they do a solid 400 by 1pm on any given Monday. I wonder if she ever found that magical pharmacy....you know the one where your prescriptions are filled with no wait and you can get your controls 15 days early.

So, for shits and giggles I call down the street to talk to Phrustrated's sister-in-law who works where the lady had just come from to hear their tale. It ran pretty much the same, only the wait-time there was 45 minutes and she had wanted to wait in the drive-thru. But I guess they were not special enough for the Russia vs. America rant.

Someday I will have to go to a pharmacy in Russia...perhaps yell at them that "This isn't America!" for no real reason whatsoever. In fact I plan on it...

I should have aquired a minor in bricklaying

Ahhh the drive-thru; where to begin? We're so lazy, we have even shortened the 'through' portion of it. The drive THROUGH is truly the devil's asshole. I wish I knew how to patch in brick and mortar to rid my life of this evil. It would be kind of a masonry exorcism. I can't begin to convey the level of fucktardedness that "drives" through (thru) on a daily basis. We have two lanes: drop off and pick-up. This is clearly marked on the building, overhang, and pavement. Isn't there some type of reading requirement to drive? The reason I query is because people are continually going to the wrong side to either drop off or pick-up. People will get MAD at me, a semi-competent health care professional when any of the following happen:

1. Your rx/money will blow away and you have to get out of your car, completely ruining the whole drive-thru (DT) idea in the first place. I subsequently laugh my ass off whilst they chase down their goods. They then have the audacity to tell me there is a design flaw with my establishment because "it's windy --- you should do somethin' about it." Okay fucknuts, I'll come out there and stop the wind (who am I, fucking Thor or some shit?).

2. I "accidentally" crank on your rear view mirror with my heavy metal drawer when you're clearly too close to the building. Vengeful, yes, but there is a toll for the DT bitches. I do always make it seem as though it was a mistake or say something like "oooooh didn't realize your car (read: hoopty) was so close..."

3. You expect me to somehow defy physics and send your diapers/depends/underpads or other urine soaking device via our drop off tube system. I didn't design it folks. The tube is my mortal enemy. Just like you can't send your piggy bank to the teller at the bank, my tube is also sturdy enough to carry the air inside and maybe a rx vial (maybe 2 - depends on the day). If you have urine soaking devices to pick up, please come in - we gots bags to put 'em in. Oh yeah, you're in the wrong fucking lane pissy.

4. People who's windows don't work. Nothing makes my day like seeing some fucking weirdo STANDING and peering in my DT outside of their mobile. Here's a hint: if your windows don't work, God does not want you to use my DT; come on in. The wind comes into play here again. We live in a wintry climate. Nothing like a crisp day with no temperature (0 degrees) and a retard in an Elmer Fudd hat to make the day brighter. These people actually will say something like "I've been standing here forever, I'm freezin'!" This is clearly not my bad life decision. "We have this new-fangled thing called 'heat' in here," I will say bitingly. Come in the store if your windows don't work - for the love of my sanity. Also, one could go Dukes of Hazzard on their rig and knock out the windows - problem solved.

I have many more, but my time is up for now. Remember, the DT is a privilege, not a birthright. My employer will never take that privilege away, however, so keep being as stupid as you want. Also remember that a side order of fentanyl or a super-sized codeine shake is definitely extra. Try our new combo........ugh