10. Sold it all
9. Was taking over the toilet and dropped the whole bottle in (Why.....?)
8. My purse was stolen
7. My doc told me to take more (this one's a 50/50, sorry MDs, you fuck up too...)
6. My dog/cat/llama/iguana was playing with the bottle.......
5. Was taking over the sink and dropped the whole bottle down the drain (What.....?)
4. They broke into my car (and only stole my controlled substance)
3. My doctor wrote me a new subscription, so I can get it (Not so much)
2. They broke into my house (No, your police report will not net you an early refill)
1. Going on vacation. If you take a controlled substance, your likelihood for vacation increases
by at least 10-fold.
Tuesday, July 29, 2008
There Are No Stupid Questions, Just Stupid People Who Ask Questions
Many times during my day I will be interrupted. Sometimes by the elderly, sometimes by the rude, sometimes by the ignorant and sometimes by the elderly, rude and ignorant. I love the last trifecta. ERIs (elderly, rude, ignorant) looovvvve to ask questions.
It will start out innocent and annoying enough. EXCUSE ME! I HAVE A RASH! WHAT WOULD BE GOOD FER IT?!?
Here we go. I ask the typical 'try to get down to the bottom of it' questions. When did it start, where is it (that one can go terribly awry), how long have you had it, is it itchy (thank you Drugmonkey), is it raised, is it dry, is it puffy, did you start using a new soap, have you been in the woods, so on and so forth...
No matter what, these old codgery fuckers always pick what THEY picked. Why fucking ask me and waste my rash curin' time if you're going to ignore my 'expertise' and give me a dirty look. Listen, I have no problem with you wasting your hard earned social security check (that I provide you) on Benadryl Gel. If you want to get that even though I told you it was useless (it really is) then fine; be my fucking guest. Get your black salve and drown yourself in it - it's your money and my time you're wasting.
It gets down to this: you want to hear me say you're right. Well, you're not. I'm sorry, but you wouldn't be guessing and/or asking if you were. I don't go to a mechanic with my car and say "could I put these bicycle tires on it, they're just as good, right?" Instead, I value their opinion so I don't crash and/or die. Take a lesson.
The next group of turds that irk me are the "I thought a pharmacist would know" assholes. A woman calls and says "What's phosphorus?" I can't conjure this, that was her question. What do you say? I said, "it's an element." That went over like a fart in church. "You don't know," asked the woman. "I just told you," I retorted. "Well what does it do?" I'm not sure what she was looking for at this point. The rest of the conversation was basically me defending my stature as a non-retarded human being. Who just sits around and thinks of this shit, seriously. I told her it's mostly used in matchtips and fireworks - not the answer she was looking for.
A woman came to the counter and said she mistakenly took her dog's heartworm medication (in a huff). "What's going to happen?," she exclaimed. After I realized she was serious, I told her to talk to poison control or her vet. How fucking stupid must you be? You took your dog's heartworm medication. How do you fuck that up? Congrats, you've made my list.
Stop making me doubt that I have a clue in life. You (the people-ish types mentioned above) need to strap it down (I have no idea what that means) and stop talking. Thanks.
It will start out innocent and annoying enough. EXCUSE ME! I HAVE A RASH! WHAT WOULD BE GOOD FER IT?!?
Here we go. I ask the typical 'try to get down to the bottom of it' questions. When did it start, where is it (that one can go terribly awry), how long have you had it, is it itchy (thank you Drugmonkey), is it raised, is it dry, is it puffy, did you start using a new soap, have you been in the woods, so on and so forth...
No matter what, these old codgery fuckers always pick what THEY picked. Why fucking ask me and waste my rash curin' time if you're going to ignore my 'expertise' and give me a dirty look. Listen, I have no problem with you wasting your hard earned social security check (that I provide you) on Benadryl Gel. If you want to get that even though I told you it was useless (it really is) then fine; be my fucking guest. Get your black salve and drown yourself in it - it's your money and my time you're wasting.
It gets down to this: you want to hear me say you're right. Well, you're not. I'm sorry, but you wouldn't be guessing and/or asking if you were. I don't go to a mechanic with my car and say "could I put these bicycle tires on it, they're just as good, right?" Instead, I value their opinion so I don't crash and/or die. Take a lesson.
The next group of turds that irk me are the "I thought a pharmacist would know" assholes. A woman calls and says "What's phosphorus?" I can't conjure this, that was her question. What do you say? I said, "it's an element." That went over like a fart in church. "You don't know," asked the woman. "I just told you," I retorted. "Well what does it do?" I'm not sure what she was looking for at this point. The rest of the conversation was basically me defending my stature as a non-retarded human being. Who just sits around and thinks of this shit, seriously. I told her it's mostly used in matchtips and fireworks - not the answer she was looking for.
A woman came to the counter and said she mistakenly took her dog's heartworm medication (in a huff). "What's going to happen?," she exclaimed. After I realized she was serious, I told her to talk to poison control or her vet. How fucking stupid must you be? You took your dog's heartworm medication. How do you fuck that up? Congrats, you've made my list.
Stop making me doubt that I have a clue in life. You (the people-ish types mentioned above) need to strap it down (I have no idea what that means) and stop talking. Thanks.
Friday, July 25, 2008
User O' The Day (Two In Fact!!)
Aahh it was a bright an early Friday morning, T-minus 8 hours until my VACATION (hey, I only get one a year) and my first phone call of the day was from, oddly enough, Phrustrated's replacement in our CorpoPharma family. We chat often, I knew him as an intern, all around good guy. Anywho, it was regarding a mutual user of ours who had showed up, bright and shining at 9am at said other store looking for his "'prazolams" (I'm...not kidding) one day early. The funny part was...that his doctor's office had mailed them to my pharmacy and I had been planning to drop them off later, along with the cover scripts they mistakenly sent us as well. Well, lo and behold, not 10 minutes later I see a GIANT red-faced huffing and puffing man at my Drop-Off counter. And I mean....GIANT.
"Hey, the other pharmacy said you had my scrips!"
Yes, I did. And oh, the doctor was smart enough to even post-date it. There's a reason they do that; because they've had trouble with you getting them early before. And I even saw the pharmacy law argument coming from miles away. I informed him that we could not change the date on a controlled substance prescription over the phone and his doctor would have to write out a new one. No, he can't phone it in.
"Look, I know the law, and I know that this is only a Tier 1 medication! I gotta get these I have a big weekend planned!" A big weekend of passing out I assume.
Uh, what? You mean a generic, say I. "No, there's three tiers of drugs and these are like...Tier 1, and then there's Tier 2, and Tier 3 is like my Oxycontins and Codones (which he is on too, of course) and stuff. You know what I'm talking about."
Oh. No, I don't. So I looked the angry red fatman in the eye and say, "Actually, there are five SCHEDULES of controlled substances, and this one is a schedule 4. And I know the law, too." Angry red-faced fatman sits down muttering to himself and proceeds to whip out a cell phone and try to get ahold of his doctor's office. Then, he says those magic words: "Is there a 24-hour store around here?" And you know what, I gave the fatman his prescription; no pharmacist in their right mind would fill a post-dated control, and if he tried to change the date (a big tip-off, you users) the doctors office, just a phone call away, is closed. Mwahahahaha. So at least when he goes to fill it at 12:01am, he's not my problem.
Later today, about T-minus 4 hours til VACATION, a get a Soma script shoved at me.
"What kinda Somas do you guys have? The ones with the 'CORE'(Corepharma) or whut?" I informed him that we carried Qualitest brand. "Oh hey, lemme see those" and I show the silly user our carisoprodol, and I get the "No, I dunno what it is about some of them but those don't work, gimme my scrip back"
Ahh, what a fun-filled last day before I have to be back two Mondays from now.
"Hey, the other pharmacy said you had my scrips!"
Yes, I did. And oh, the doctor was smart enough to even post-date it. There's a reason they do that; because they've had trouble with you getting them early before. And I even saw the pharmacy law argument coming from miles away. I informed him that we could not change the date on a controlled substance prescription over the phone and his doctor would have to write out a new one. No, he can't phone it in.
"Look, I know the law, and I know that this is only a Tier 1 medication! I gotta get these I have a big weekend planned!" A big weekend of passing out I assume.
Uh, what? You mean a generic, say I. "No, there's three tiers of drugs and these are like...Tier 1, and then there's Tier 2, and Tier 3 is like my Oxycontins and Codones (which he is on too, of course) and stuff. You know what I'm talking about."
Oh. No, I don't. So I looked the angry red fatman in the eye and say, "Actually, there are five SCHEDULES of controlled substances, and this one is a schedule 4. And I know the law, too." Angry red-faced fatman sits down muttering to himself and proceeds to whip out a cell phone and try to get ahold of his doctor's office. Then, he says those magic words: "Is there a 24-hour store around here?" And you know what, I gave the fatman his prescription; no pharmacist in their right mind would fill a post-dated control, and if he tried to change the date (a big tip-off, you users) the doctors office, just a phone call away, is closed. Mwahahahaha. So at least when he goes to fill it at 12:01am, he's not my problem.
Later today, about T-minus 4 hours til VACATION, a get a Soma script shoved at me.
"What kinda Somas do you guys have? The ones with the 'CORE'(Corepharma) or whut?" I informed him that we carried Qualitest brand. "Oh hey, lemme see those" and I show the silly user our carisoprodol, and I get the "No, I dunno what it is about some of them but those don't work, gimme my scrip back"
Ahh, what a fun-filled last day before I have to be back two Mondays from now.
Monday, July 21, 2008
So, at work we keep a log of stupid things our fine customers say. No, really. It's a notebook entitled "Famous Quotes" you all should really see it sometime. We've had quite unbelievable quotes from people, but today I added one that I think topped the charts.
And I quote: "This isn't fucking Russia!!"
Now, where would such an utterance come from, might you ask. I mean, this is a pharmacy, not a political meeting of any sort. But today, when I told a 70-something woman that she couldn't sit in the drive-thru (hence the name) for 15 minutes and wait for her prescription, so proceeded to tell me something about how "this is America" and my reply was the classic look of confusion, and this is the truth I swear, I said "uh...what?" I had to take a minute and step back and think about what this woman was telling me. But instead I told her it would be 15 minutes she could go wait in the parking lot and come back in 15 into the other lane. To this, she backed her car up, and just shimmied right into the other lane, assuming, I guess, that she was just going to wait there in the pick-up lane. I had had it so I was just going to leave her there to sit when, of course, another car pulls behind her. At this point my partner stepped in and asked the woman to move so we could take care of the person behind her and that she couldn't wait in the drive-thru. And to this, her reply was "This isn't fucking Russia!!" and then some more ramblings on about how this was just ridiculous and she left another pharmacy before this one because of the wait (basically, in a nutshell, one of the just-give-it-to-me people). The customers inside were truly aghast as the woman kept yelling in the drive-thru about America and Russia (because, I can only assume, in Russia prescriptions take 15 minutes to fill, whereas in America, they are magically filled when you get there) and then asked for her prescriptions back. I kinda want to know where she eventually took it, seeing as the store down the street from us is usually an hour wait, and the one beyond that in the next town over is probably more because they do a solid 400 by 1pm on any given Monday. I wonder if she ever found that magical pharmacy....you know the one where your prescriptions are filled with no wait and you can get your controls 15 days early.
So, for shits and giggles I call down the street to talk to Phrustrated's sister-in-law who works where the lady had just come from to hear their tale. It ran pretty much the same, only the wait-time there was 45 minutes and she had wanted to wait in the drive-thru. But I guess they were not special enough for the Russia vs. America rant.
Someday I will have to go to a pharmacy in Russia...perhaps yell at them that "This isn't America!" for no real reason whatsoever. In fact I plan on it...
And I quote: "This isn't fucking Russia!!"
Now, where would such an utterance come from, might you ask. I mean, this is a pharmacy, not a political meeting of any sort. But today, when I told a 70-something woman that she couldn't sit in the drive-thru (hence the name) for 15 minutes and wait for her prescription, so proceeded to tell me something about how "this is America" and my reply was the classic look of confusion, and this is the truth I swear, I said "uh...what?" I had to take a minute and step back and think about what this woman was telling me. But instead I told her it would be 15 minutes she could go wait in the parking lot and come back in 15 into the other lane. To this, she backed her car up, and just shimmied right into the other lane, assuming, I guess, that she was just going to wait there in the pick-up lane. I had had it so I was just going to leave her there to sit when, of course, another car pulls behind her. At this point my partner stepped in and asked the woman to move so we could take care of the person behind her and that she couldn't wait in the drive-thru. And to this, her reply was "This isn't fucking Russia!!" and then some more ramblings on about how this was just ridiculous and she left another pharmacy before this one because of the wait (basically, in a nutshell, one of the just-give-it-to-me people). The customers inside were truly aghast as the woman kept yelling in the drive-thru about America and Russia (because, I can only assume, in Russia prescriptions take 15 minutes to fill, whereas in America, they are magically filled when you get there) and then asked for her prescriptions back. I kinda want to know where she eventually took it, seeing as the store down the street from us is usually an hour wait, and the one beyond that in the next town over is probably more because they do a solid 400 by 1pm on any given Monday. I wonder if she ever found that magical pharmacy....you know the one where your prescriptions are filled with no wait and you can get your controls 15 days early.
So, for shits and giggles I call down the street to talk to Phrustrated's sister-in-law who works where the lady had just come from to hear their tale. It ran pretty much the same, only the wait-time there was 45 minutes and she had wanted to wait in the drive-thru. But I guess they were not special enough for the Russia vs. America rant.
Someday I will have to go to a pharmacy in Russia...perhaps yell at them that "This isn't America!" for no real reason whatsoever. In fact I plan on it...
Sunday, July 6, 2008
turn down the bass and fill that prescription....
ahh summertime and the livin's easy. sorta.
summer has become the usual slew of "IMGOINGONVACATIONNOWANDINEEDFIVEMONTHSOFMYPRESCRIPTIONBEFOREMYPLANELEAVESIN10MINUTES" it's not any different really. i got reminded the other day of one of my most favorite customer quotes ever. "whatever happened to the five minute prescription?"
i don't know. but if this guy could find it i wouldn't want it back anyway. a customer and his wife were in the drive-thru the other day for a presciption the doctor had just called in: a z-pak. so i go to the window and say blah blah md just called it in it's going to be about 20 minutes if you'd like to come back or come inside and wait blah blah. so he looks at me and says "well don't you just have to slap a label on it?"
now, for those of you in the profession these are arguably the most hated words one can hear. so i said "it's a little more involved than that sir, thats why your pharmacist is a DOCTOR" and walked away. mostly because you wouldn't like me when i get angry.
i mean, i could go on about what filling your prescription involves, but i'm just not going to; most of you know anyway. and, in fact, now that you've said something as ignorant as that, it's going to take longer. suddenly your insurance is down, oopsie. these people can all go to hell.
but for some reason i am consoled because this is the same patiet...MALE patient...who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. not that cancer is funny, but it is when you are a douchebag and have giant man-titties and turns out you have breast cancer. muhahahaha.
summer has become the usual slew of "IMGOINGONVACATIONNOWANDINEEDFIVEMONTHSOFMYPRESCRIPTIONBEFOREMYPLANELEAVESIN10MINUTES" it's not any different really. i got reminded the other day of one of my most favorite customer quotes ever. "whatever happened to the five minute prescription?"
i don't know. but if this guy could find it i wouldn't want it back anyway. a customer and his wife were in the drive-thru the other day for a presciption the doctor had just called in: a z-pak. so i go to the window and say blah blah md just called it in it's going to be about 20 minutes if you'd like to come back or come inside and wait blah blah. so he looks at me and says "well don't you just have to slap a label on it?"
now, for those of you in the profession these are arguably the most hated words one can hear. so i said "it's a little more involved than that sir, thats why your pharmacist is a DOCTOR" and walked away. mostly because you wouldn't like me when i get angry.
i mean, i could go on about what filling your prescription involves, but i'm just not going to; most of you know anyway. and, in fact, now that you've said something as ignorant as that, it's going to take longer. suddenly your insurance is down, oopsie. these people can all go to hell.
but for some reason i am consoled because this is the same patiet...MALE patient...who was recently diagnosed with breast cancer. not that cancer is funny, but it is when you are a douchebag and have giant man-titties and turns out you have breast cancer. muhahahaha.
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