Thanks FDA, You're the Best

No, really. I mean it; from the bottom of my ever-blackening heart. I love calling doctors to change people from ER metoprolol to IR metoprolol. I love telling pregnant women that their prenatals are going to look "a little different." Both of these acts are just asking for a bad time. Those of you who've dealt with this can empathize.

Let me ask you this FDA, have you ever had to deal with these things multiple times in multiple days for multiple months? It fucking blows, FDA. You don't call doctors. You don't talk to (pregnant errrr irrational errrrr hormonal) patients. Why you gotta be measurin' all the tablets, yo?

For those of you (and I mean both of you whom are loyal readers) who don't know, I'm referring to the FDA's utter demolishing of the drug company ETHEX. They seemed to be reputable enough, I don't know. All I know is they're gone and the FDA is the one who put them out of commission and we in the rank and file are left to clean up the wreckage.

What did they really do? Inconsistent tablet sizes are the reports I've most often seen. I'm not buyin' it. I'm not sure what higher-up told an FDA official to "fuck off," but it wasn't a good idea. Now the FDA knocks on your door with some calipers and a shit-eating grin. "Fuck off," you say, says the FDA, "well I don't fucking thing so," retorts the FDA. Now let me in so I can randomly measure all of your tablets.

This is an agency that has poetic license. I liken them to the scary old man with the brown slacks (yes, slacks) in the middle of August who steals your Frisbee because it happens to stray onto his lawn. He shakes his finger with pallor and says something like "now it's mine!" Well, friends this is the FDA. They are old, callous, and if you piss them off, they will take your Frisbee. Frisbee in this case being Metoprolol Succinate and Prenatal Vitamins.

I can't wait for the next round. I'm sure the FDA has something up it's (short) sleeve (with a yellowish pattern and a butterfly collar - remember the old man). Get fucked FDA, I've gotta go make some more senseless calls.