Contrary to popular belief, I am not a carnival psychic. When you call me and say: "Did my doctor call in a prescription?" I shut it down. Ever see "The Simpsons" when Homer's brain says "that's it, I'm outta here," accompanied by running footsteps and a door slamming? Well, the utter silence you hear after you utter that question is what's going on in my noggin. It's great to say nothing after that question. The lacrosse helmet wearer on the other end usually says "HELLLLOOO?"
At this point, I switch to everybody's superhero, smarmy pharmacist dickhead guy (catchy, no?). I respond to their question and subsequent HELLLOOO by saying "it would all depend on who you are and who your doctor is........."
LHW: "Huh?"
SPDG: "I'm sorry?"
LHW: "DID MY DOCTOR CALL IN MY PRESCRIPTION OR NOT?!???
SPDG: "Again, it would depend upon who you are"
LHW: "Oh. Yeah. (neither are sentences or responses by the way)
SPDG: "Will you tell me your name?"
LHW: "Ohhh- My name is Lacrosse Helmetwearer - my doc sent it over the computer..."
SPDG: (why me, why now, fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck)
LHW: "It's for a script..... (no shit)
SPDG: "Who's your doctor and what's he calling in?" (I feel like Arnold (the governator) in Kindergarten Cop at this point - "who is your daddy and what does he do?")
LHW: Ohhhhh. Ummmm Dr. Stupid and he callin' in a thing for my foot.
SPDG: (I'll give you a foot directly to your head which is up your ass - two birds one stone)
No, I'm sorry I haven't received anyth
Interrupting LHW: I just called him 15 minutes ago....
This is my typical day about 3 times an hour. I'd just like to ask everyone to please not be socially retarded. When you call anyplace, identify yourself if appropriate. You might be saving a life on the other end of the phone - mine.
I'm gonna go throw rocks at passing cars now. Ta-ta
Thursday, November 29, 2007
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We have several helmet-wearers. Most of them call several times daily (like the dude who has called us no less than 8 times daily for the past 3 days to find out if his welfare insurance has approved the massive quantities of oxycontin he claims to need) for the same retarded crap, but we've also got one or two of those who just assumes that we sit around with magical crystal balls that predict not only who they are and when their MD will call in their shit, but also can psychically know any insurance changes, who they are, and my favorite, "do I have anything that needs to be filled?"
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