I got into an argument with a deaf woman....

.....and I lost. It wasn't a fair fight, really. First of all, it was a phone conversation. Yeah, that's right (thanks New York State). NY has a system called "NYS Relay" for the deaf/hearing impaired. It works by the deaf/hearing impaired person typing into a prompter/futuristic device ----> to an operator whom interprets and speaks to you (and says "GO AHEAD" after every fucking statement). You then respond (go ahead) -----> operator types what you say to the deaf/hearing impaired person. Let it be known a normal conversation is about as much fun as getting the back of your balls hit with a spiked bat. Now, I have nothing against deaf people; I had a late uncle who was deaf (from birth) and was quite affable. The hearing impaired, however (read: old crotchety people), are on my shitlist. Hear's (pardon the pun) how the convo went:

Me: Pharmacy, may I help you?

Operator: This is NYS relay, have you..

M: "go ahead"

O: Hi.........my........name........is.........Helen........Keller.......I......need.......rxs......delivered.......(ga)
note: (ga) will now = "go ahead" for typing/sanity purposes
M: What are the numbers (ga)?

O: I..........don't..........have............them............I...........was...........told...........to.............call..........your...
store........b/c.........you..........have...........delivery................(ga)

M: (I like where this is headed - look in Helen's profile --- last filled 2004 - fuck me) All of your rxs are expired, we'll have to contact your doctor (ga).

O: But..........I.............get..........them..........at............a..........different............chain............store......(ga)

M: We'll have to transfer the rxs to our store (ga)

O: But.........I..........was..........told.........you..........deliver...........(ga)

M: (What?) What? (ga)

O: When..........will.............I............get..........my............rxs..............?.........(ga)

M: I don't have them here, I'll have to obtain them from the other store (Oh, yeah, the rxs at said location were expired/outa refills and it was Christmas Eve - no delivery or hope until Jesus's b-day was over) (ga)

O: But.........I...........was...........told.........to.........call..........you.............(ga)

M: I don't dispute that fact (ga)

I'll end the misery here. This went on for TWENTY, count 'em, TWENTY fucking minutes of my semi-valuable life I will never get back. I stayed up twenty minutes later that night to try, but it just wasn't the same.

I hate relay calls, but the deaf/hearing impaired need phones too. I'm just glad it wasn't a Jetson's vis-a-phone or I would have really been up shit's creek. As frustrating as the relay calls may be, they beat the hell out of my knowledge of sign language - which only consists of "fuck you asshole." Come to think, that would've worked. Jesus loves me, this I know because NY relay tells me so.

Happy New Year (I think)