We are upon the dreaded flu season. I fear not the flu, but the psychos trying to obtain the flu vaccine. T-minus 3 days until I may not live to post again - not that anybody has read this blog (yet). You see, in my neighborhood, many peoples' engines are running except nobody is behind the wheel. Two years ago, the vaccine was in short supply. This caused a mass hysteria and/or conspiracy theories abound. I had to deal with calls telling me the terrorists had stolen the vaccines, the government (the man) was keeping us down, "I'd better get my fucking shot or some one's gonna pay" (WTF? who says that?), and I'm gonna go to another store if you don't fit me in (shucks - you were my fav crazy ass, too - BUH FUCKING BYE). People MOBBED the store in record numbers. The clinic scheduled for 4 hours lasted 15 minutes, leaving about 100 miserable fucks unvaccinated. Thankfully, I heard about this second hand.
Having given you some background, I can now tell you:
1. I have NO IDEA if your insurance/medicaid/care/grandma/cat/landlord/God covers your vaccination at my location. I don't administer the shots, some dumbshit nurse does (more on that in the future - it's late)
2. When you ask what time it is and I tell you - L I S T E N! My time is more valuable than yours (yes - no really - way) and I don't have time to repeat myself because your whistling miracle ear (wise investment) is on the fritz.
3. Go to your MD for the shot. It will be covered by most of the people in point #1 and I don't have to exchange "pleasantries" with you during my work day. That thing attached to my face is the phone, probably saying something like "yes...ma'am,ma'am..y...y..tw....yes two until six....y...y...y...b....f....yes, flu shots....yes 2 til 6......I don't know if the Nature's Bounty vitamins are on sale."
4. No, we don't make time exceptions based on your travel schedule. If you don't have a car and don't go out more than once a week, you qualify as a shut-in. You can't contract the flu from yourself at home. You'll probably contract more sickness in line for the shot than if you just kept your hermit self watching the TPIR. Yes, 1 dollar is always a safe bid.
5. Wash your hands. This is the best way not to spread/contract anything. The flu vaccine is an amalgam of scientists' "best guess" anyhow, so getting it is not a magic bullet. You see, viruses are smart motherfuckers - much smarter than you (my customers, not you readers).
6. Yes, I have Tamiflu in stock, no it's not covered (unless you are on the state's dime).
7. I don't know how long you'll have to wait. My response is minutes to hours, not a real crowd pleas er, but hey, my crystal ball is still in the shop.
8. Asking me any of these questions in a repetitive manner will NOT increase the likelihood that I will know the answer. Do people just get what the want everywhere else by being repetitious and annoying? It's vignette time kids:
Patient: Doc, can I have some Lor-a-tabs?
Doc: I don't know Mr/s. Hypochondriac, those are pretty powerful....
P: My Gramma "gave" me some and they work real good...
D: Well, you shouldn't take other p
Interrupting P: Yeah, they knocked the "pain" out real good
D: Well, I guess I could give you a trial script
P: How about a month's worth - my copay blah blah (profit margins)
D: Well, I don't know...I don't usually (my ass you lying prick/ho)
P: It'd really help me, I know my pain (hypochondria)
D: Okay, fine. 180 Lor-a-tabs (MDs don't know how to spell either) seems about right for your hangnail....
So I guess the answer is yes.
Just keep taking those 'tabs' and you won't have to worry about attacking my store on flu shot day. I have my Kevlar and face shield ready. Maybe you'll hear from me again.....until next time?
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2 comments:
funny you should mention the hangnail, as i have personally received 2 rxs for percocet 7.5/500 from dr. billing in the past week. dr. billing, the PODIATRIST.
I've seen it all rxfordisaster. Sometimes I wish I was as oblivious as my partner.
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