Contrary to popular belief, I am not a carnival psychic. When you call me and say: "Did my doctor call in a prescription?" I shut it down. Ever see "The Simpsons" when Homer's brain says "that's it, I'm outta here," accompanied by running footsteps and a door slamming? Well, the utter silence you hear after you utter that question is what's going on in my noggin. It's great to say nothing after that question. The lacrosse helmet wearer on the other end usually says "HELLLLOOO?"
At this point, I switch to everybody's superhero, smarmy pharmacist dickhead guy (catchy, no?). I respond to their question and subsequent HELLLOOO by saying "it would all depend on who you are and who your doctor is........."
LHW: "Huh?"
SPDG: "I'm sorry?"
LHW: "DID MY DOCTOR CALL IN MY PRESCRIPTION OR NOT?!???
SPDG: "Again, it would depend upon who you are"
LHW: "Oh. Yeah. (neither are sentences or responses by the way)
SPDG: "Will you tell me your name?"
LHW: "Ohhh- My name is Lacrosse Helmetwearer - my doc sent it over the computer..."
SPDG: (why me, why now, fuckfuckfuckfuckfuck)
LHW: "It's for a script..... (no shit)
SPDG: "Who's your doctor and what's he calling in?" (I feel like Arnold (the governator) in Kindergarten Cop at this point - "who is your daddy and what does he do?")
LHW: Ohhhhh. Ummmm Dr. Stupid and he callin' in a thing for my foot.
SPDG: (I'll give you a foot directly to your head which is up your ass - two birds one stone)
No, I'm sorry I haven't received anyth
Interrupting LHW: I just called him 15 minutes ago....
This is my typical day about 3 times an hour. I'd just like to ask everyone to please not be socially retarded. When you call anyplace, identify yourself if appropriate. You might be saving a life on the other end of the phone - mine.
I'm gonna go throw rocks at passing cars now. Ta-ta
Thursday, November 29, 2007
Monday, November 26, 2007
You know, when Plan A doesn't cross anyone's mind...
I just heard a radio ad today for Plan B...or "emergency contraceptive" as they like to call it. it consists of two girls chatting away about not using condoms and the commercial ends in a nice slogan "after the fact, after the act."
now, i'll be the first to say that I have nothing at all againt Plan B. I'm not gonna bring a political argument into this but I'm pro-choice and happy to say it. What I do have a problem with is what Plan B is now being used for. I have had one, ONE, woman come to me, completely embarrassed to be buying it, explaining (not that I had asked) that he forgot to wear a condom yadda yadda.
I have had DOZENS of girls come in to buy it (or with a nice rx for it from the Planned Parenthood down the street) with no sense of the lesson here. I give out Plan B to welfare recipients who are not on any form of birth control. I gave a Plan B to a couple once where the boy exclaimed "wow $40? we got it for $20 at Planned Parenthood last time."
Last time. Meaning that this has happened more than once. Girls are currently using this as birth control, instead of practicing safe sex methods. because condoms "aren't cool." whatever. Plan B should be used exactly as its name implies: when Plan A fails.
There's no radio ad for condoms. Or for preventing STDs or how to practice safe sex. No ads telling you how many young people contract AIDS by not practicing safe sex. No ad the educates young minds about consequences of whoring around with the hottest guy in homeroom and having his baby at 16.
I'm all for Plan B for the RIGHT reasons. NOT as birth control. Sometimes I feel like throwing a 6-pack of Trojans in the bag at no cost in the hopes they'll get used. These scripts come with REFILLS. But never, NEVER do I see a Plan B script with an accompanying script for birth control. Or even condoms, cuz welfare (ahem, I and my fellow citizens with jobs) will pay for those too.
If you don't know how to take on the responsibility sex comes with, you shouldn't be having it.
We're one step away from radio ads explaining how to use a wire coat-hanger, people.
This subject really gets me fired up... so in closing let me give you some stats:
"Nearly four in 10 young women become pregnant at least once before they reach the age of 20. This totals nearly one million a year. Eight in ten of these pregnancies are unintended."
"Teen mothers are less likely to complete high school, (only one-third receive a high school diploma) and more likely to end up on welfare (nearly 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare)." This means that not only am I paying for your uneducated ass, I'm paying for your goddamn kid's too.
"The United States has the highest rates of teen pregnancy and births in the western industrialized world. Teen pregnancy costs the United States at least $7 billion annually." 7 fucking billion dollars.
" Every year 3 million teens--about 1 in 4 sexually active teens-get a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD)."
oh ho and my personal favorite: " Young Americans between the ages of 13 and 24 are still contracting HIV at the rate of 2 per hour." age fucking 13.
"The correct and consistent use of latex condoms during sexual intercourse- vaginal, anal, or oral-can greatly reduce a person’ s risk of acquiring or transmitting most STDs, including HIV infection, gonorrhea, chlamydia, trichomonas, human papilloma virus infection (HPV), and hepatitis B." straight from the FDA.
sorry to go all political on you, but dammit, when you see these girls in here (especially more than once) picking up Plan B that are so young, so obviously uneducated, a part of me dies a little inside. How many STDs or pregnancies could have been prevented by using Plan A.
now, i'll be the first to say that I have nothing at all againt Plan B. I'm not gonna bring a political argument into this but I'm pro-choice and happy to say it. What I do have a problem with is what Plan B is now being used for. I have had one, ONE, woman come to me, completely embarrassed to be buying it, explaining (not that I had asked) that he forgot to wear a condom yadda yadda.
I have had DOZENS of girls come in to buy it (or with a nice rx for it from the Planned Parenthood down the street) with no sense of the lesson here. I give out Plan B to welfare recipients who are not on any form of birth control. I gave a Plan B to a couple once where the boy exclaimed "wow $40? we got it for $20 at Planned Parenthood last time."
Last time. Meaning that this has happened more than once. Girls are currently using this as birth control, instead of practicing safe sex methods. because condoms "aren't cool." whatever. Plan B should be used exactly as its name implies: when Plan A fails.
There's no radio ad for condoms. Or for preventing STDs or how to practice safe sex. No ads telling you how many young people contract AIDS by not practicing safe sex. No ad the educates young minds about consequences of whoring around with the hottest guy in homeroom and having his baby at 16.
I'm all for Plan B for the RIGHT reasons. NOT as birth control. Sometimes I feel like throwing a 6-pack of Trojans in the bag at no cost in the hopes they'll get used. These scripts come with REFILLS. But never, NEVER do I see a Plan B script with an accompanying script for birth control. Or even condoms, cuz welfare (ahem, I and my fellow citizens with jobs) will pay for those too.
If you don't know how to take on the responsibility sex comes with, you shouldn't be having it.
We're one step away from radio ads explaining how to use a wire coat-hanger, people.
This subject really gets me fired up... so in closing let me give you some stats:
"Nearly four in 10 young women become pregnant at least once before they reach the age of 20. This totals nearly one million a year. Eight in ten of these pregnancies are unintended."
"Teen mothers are less likely to complete high school, (only one-third receive a high school diploma) and more likely to end up on welfare (nearly 80 percent of unmarried teen mothers end up on welfare)." This means that not only am I paying for your uneducated ass, I'm paying for your goddamn kid's too.
"The United States has the highest rates of teen pregnancy and births in the western industrialized world. Teen pregnancy costs the United States at least $7 billion annually." 7 fucking billion dollars.
" Every year 3 million teens--about 1 in 4 sexually active teens-get a Sexually Transmitted Disease (STD)."
oh ho and my personal favorite: " Young Americans between the ages of 13 and 24 are still contracting HIV at the rate of 2 per hour." age fucking 13.
"The correct and consistent use of latex condoms during sexual intercourse- vaginal, anal, or oral-can greatly reduce a person’ s risk of acquiring or transmitting most STDs, including HIV infection, gonorrhea, chlamydia, trichomonas, human papilloma virus infection (HPV), and hepatitis B." straight from the FDA.
sorry to go all political on you, but dammit, when you see these girls in here (especially more than once) picking up Plan B that are so young, so obviously uneducated, a part of me dies a little inside. How many STDs or pregnancies could have been prevented by using Plan A.
Tuesday, November 20, 2007
Do as I say and you live...
Perhaps one of the most underrated awesomely bad movies of all time, Snakes on a Plane did have its moments. Sometimes being at work is just like fighting snakes...sneaky snakes...
At any rate, I think much of my frustration stems from patients (/customers/i didn't pay that much attention in pharmacy ethics and communication) is the fact that they don't listen. I'm sure they hear me. Most of them appear to acknowledge my generous wealth of knowlegde as it pours out of my mouth in a futile attempt to better your life. I mean, if you don't want to hear my answer, please just don't bother to ask. It's a waste of my time and yours. If you ask me a question, and reply with something like "yeah but my neighbor/cribbage partner/garbage man told me such-n-such would work better" then you obviously didn't want to her my fucking opinion anyway. so go ahead and put that sweet oil that you want to pay $5 in your ear...maybe you should have listened when I say "its just olive oil" and you probably A) already have it in your house or B) should maybe find out WHY your ear hurts in the first place.
When I have to explain why things are the way they are 3+ times, I start to get a little aggravated. I know you hear me, but you have to learn to quiet the voice in your head screaming "OF COURSE I KNOW MORE THAN THIS MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL MY GREAT AUNT IS A RETIRED NURSE" while i'm talking to you.
Sometimes I have important tidbits of information for you that may mean the difference between a healthy drug regimen or blowing out your internal organs. When I explain that you shouldn't be hitting the sauce while you're on Coumadin, don't ask "are you sure?" because then I am tempted to say "well go ahead, I hope you'll be alive to tell me how that went..."
When you show me a cut/scrape/puncture wound/something impaled in your hand and ask "what should I do?" and I tell you to seek medical attention immediately, don't whine and ask me if there's just some (i can only assume magical) cream you can put on it. I know that you know that you should see a doctor; I also know that you think you can get some free medical advice and a [cheap] cure-all from your local friendly pharmacy, and I also know that if I don't tell you what you want to hear, you will throw caution to the wind and let your extremity fester until amputation.
And I'll be honest. Sometimes I give in. You'll do what you want anyway. So I'll send you on your merry way with a tube of Neosporin.
But don't say I didn't warn you. Shut your damn yap and listen. When you OD on Lortab (better known as Loritabs) or get pregnant while on Amoxicillin I'll be the one giving you a nice smile-n-wave next time you're in the drugstore.
Maybe you can name the baby after me.
At any rate, I think much of my frustration stems from patients (/customers/i didn't pay that much attention in pharmacy ethics and communication) is the fact that they don't listen. I'm sure they hear me. Most of them appear to acknowledge my generous wealth of knowlegde as it pours out of my mouth in a futile attempt to better your life. I mean, if you don't want to hear my answer, please just don't bother to ask. It's a waste of my time and yours. If you ask me a question, and reply with something like "yeah but my neighbor/cribbage partner/garbage man told me such-n-such would work better" then you obviously didn't want to her my fucking opinion anyway. so go ahead and put that sweet oil that you want to pay $5 in your ear...maybe you should have listened when I say "its just olive oil" and you probably A) already have it in your house or B) should maybe find out WHY your ear hurts in the first place.
When I have to explain why things are the way they are 3+ times, I start to get a little aggravated. I know you hear me, but you have to learn to quiet the voice in your head screaming "OF COURSE I KNOW MORE THAN THIS MEDICAL PROFESSIONAL MY GREAT AUNT IS A RETIRED NURSE" while i'm talking to you.
Sometimes I have important tidbits of information for you that may mean the difference between a healthy drug regimen or blowing out your internal organs. When I explain that you shouldn't be hitting the sauce while you're on Coumadin, don't ask "are you sure?" because then I am tempted to say "well go ahead, I hope you'll be alive to tell me how that went..."
When you show me a cut/scrape/puncture wound/something impaled in your hand and ask "what should I do?" and I tell you to seek medical attention immediately, don't whine and ask me if there's just some (i can only assume magical) cream you can put on it. I know that you know that you should see a doctor; I also know that you think you can get some free medical advice and a [cheap] cure-all from your local friendly pharmacy, and I also know that if I don't tell you what you want to hear, you will throw caution to the wind and let your extremity fester until amputation.
And I'll be honest. Sometimes I give in. You'll do what you want anyway. So I'll send you on your merry way with a tube of Neosporin.
But don't say I didn't warn you. Shut your damn yap and listen. When you OD on Lortab (better known as Loritabs) or get pregnant while on Amoxicillin I'll be the one giving you a nice smile-n-wave next time you're in the drugstore.
Maybe you can name the baby after me.
Friday, November 16, 2007
Are we speaking the same language?
I wonder this often during my workday. The biggest problem being I don't work in a non-English speaking area (kinda). The people in my 'hood speak "English," but the words are severely misplaced. It's sort of like communicating with a schizophrenic on acid. I've never done this per say, but I can imagine it's similar to my everyday struggles.
Case in point: A cute lady comes to the counter. When I say "cute" I mean morbidly obese with a noticeable five o'clock shadow. Yes, I'm being ironic; no, I'm not a chubby, bearded lady chaser. She comes up to me with an empty rx vial (concealed in her fat little hoof) and spews: "Could this be making me feel like I am?" She was quite nervous and agitated. Where to begin?
My mind said:
What the..? Why is your beard thicker than mine? How many calories does it take to be thaaat fat?(she was a 4X4 - 4 feet high, 4 feet wide) What are you holding? What the...? How did you escape from the carnival? God she's hideous, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little...
But my response was: "What?"
Fat Lady w/ Beard: "I've been having jags of fits lately.!..!!"
Me (in head): What the fuck is a jag of a fit?!?
Me: "Okkaaay...."
FLw/B: "Could it be this?" (speaking of nothing in particular)
Me (in head): What the fuck is a jag.......
Me: "What? ..... What are you pertaining (word to big) to?
FLw/B: "Huh?"
Me (in head): Fuck me, where do they keep finding them and why do they keep coming to me?
FLw/B: "Could it be this....?"
This went on for about 10 minutes. She finally revealed her vial and was asking if her BP med was making her crazy. Life had already done it's fair share I'm afraid. After much deliberation, I assured her that her BP med was not the culprit and gave her some suggestions which she appeared to ignore. She came back the next day with scripts for anxiety. I couldn't believe she actually sought the help I advised! What's the moral of the story, you ask? I have no idea and I still don't know what a "jag of a fit" is. I doubt I ever will - neigh, I don't want to know. Just another day in pharmacy paradise.
Case in point: A cute lady comes to the counter. When I say "cute" I mean morbidly obese with a noticeable five o'clock shadow. Yes, I'm being ironic; no, I'm not a chubby, bearded lady chaser. She comes up to me with an empty rx vial (concealed in her fat little hoof) and spews: "Could this be making me feel like I am?" She was quite nervous and agitated. Where to begin?
My mind said:
What the..? Why is your beard thicker than mine? How many calories does it take to be thaaat fat?(she was a 4X4 - 4 feet high, 4 feet wide) What are you holding? What the...? How did you escape from the carnival? God she's hideous, I think I just threw up in my mouth a little...
But my response was: "What?"
Fat Lady w/ Beard: "I've been having jags of fits lately.!..!!"
Me (in head): What the fuck is a jag of a fit?!?
Me: "Okkaaay...."
FLw/B: "Could it be this?" (speaking of nothing in particular)
Me (in head): What the fuck is a jag.......
Me: "What? ..... What are you pertaining (word to big) to?
FLw/B: "Huh?"
Me (in head): Fuck me, where do they keep finding them and why do they keep coming to me?
FLw/B: "Could it be this....?"
This went on for about 10 minutes. She finally revealed her vial and was asking if her BP med was making her crazy. Life had already done it's fair share I'm afraid. After much deliberation, I assured her that her BP med was not the culprit and gave her some suggestions which she appeared to ignore. She came back the next day with scripts for anxiety. I couldn't believe she actually sought the help I advised! What's the moral of the story, you ask? I have no idea and I still don't know what a "jag of a fit" is. I doubt I ever will - neigh, I don't want to know. Just another day in pharmacy paradise.
Ask your doctor about......
I feel this pretty much sums up every douchebag commercial that is on TV today. Enough is enough....I'm talking to you Lipitor(TM), Veramyst(TM), and viiivvvaaaa Viagra(TM). Fuck off.
Love,
Phrustrated Pharmacist
Sunday, November 11, 2007
What's this game called? I WIN
I'm going to save my ADD/ADHD rant for another time, as I am exhausted, but I saw a nice article I need to post here.
IN YOUR FUCKING FACE ADHD BITCHES
This article will make more sense when I post my agonizing rant about the "disorder," but for now, it's really enough to send me into a calm slumber with the words "I told ya so" echoing in my brain. I love being right.
What? My favorite quote?
"I think that we exaggerated the beneficial impact of medication..." -- W. Pelham, University at Buffalo
IN YOUR FUCKING FACE ADHD BITCHES
This article will make more sense when I post my agonizing rant about the "disorder," but for now, it's really enough to send me into a calm slumber with the words "I told ya so" echoing in my brain. I love being right.
What? My favorite quote?
"I think that we exaggerated the beneficial impact of medication..." -- W. Pelham, University at Buffalo
No, I'm not joking
Although sometimes I wish I was. This story is straight out of the scary-but-true question files:
Friday, about 3pm: I receive a call from a male customer asking letting me know that he had lost(?) a sheet to his patient information leaflet for the prescription cream he had picked up the other day. Well, he explained, he was reading it and he had a question.
"Why does it say not to put cream in your nose or mouth?" Okay, buddy, I'll play your game. "Because topical medications are not to be absorbed internally, and putting the cream in those places would..." yadda yadda some brainy bullshit that I kept rambling off because I was not prepared to answer a question pertaining to eating a topical prescription cream. So I ask the man if he had gotten some in his nose/mouth (what? why else would he ask?) and he replies "oh no, no, no I'm using it on my groin......." And I'll pause here for the moment of silence before the riptide comes and sends my body and brain flying in all directions.
"But I got some cream in the tip of my penis and now it's burning."
There. There it is, folks. The tone had been set for the long weekend I was going to have.
I know the cream is an antifungal, but for the love of everything holy how the FUCK did it get IN your penis?!? What in god's name were you doing slathering that shit on the head of your penis in the first place?? WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF FUNGUS...?!
and that's where my brain went on strike and said "I've had enough of this shit for one day" and turned itself off until I went home that night.
The rest of the weekend, while being infused with the usual smattering of idiots (most of whom are now in the "donut hole" and extremely lost and belligerent) pales in comparison to that gem.
Friday, about 3pm: I receive a call from a male customer asking letting me know that he had lost(?) a sheet to his patient information leaflet for the prescription cream he had picked up the other day. Well, he explained, he was reading it and he had a question.
"Why does it say not to put cream in your nose or mouth?" Okay, buddy, I'll play your game. "Because topical medications are not to be absorbed internally, and putting the cream in those places would..." yadda yadda some brainy bullshit that I kept rambling off because I was not prepared to answer a question pertaining to eating a topical prescription cream. So I ask the man if he had gotten some in his nose/mouth (what? why else would he ask?) and he replies "oh no, no, no I'm using it on my groin......." And I'll pause here for the moment of silence before the riptide comes and sends my body and brain flying in all directions.
"But I got some cream in the tip of my penis and now it's burning."
There. There it is, folks. The tone had been set for the long weekend I was going to have.
I know the cream is an antifungal, but for the love of everything holy how the FUCK did it get IN your penis?!? What in god's name were you doing slathering that shit on the head of your penis in the first place?? WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF FUNGUS...?!
and that's where my brain went on strike and said "I've had enough of this shit for one day" and turned itself off until I went home that night.
The rest of the weekend, while being infused with the usual smattering of idiots (most of whom are now in the "donut hole" and extremely lost and belligerent) pales in comparison to that gem.
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