There Are No Stupid Questions, Just Stupid People Who Ask Questions

Many times during my day I will be interrupted. Sometimes by the elderly, sometimes by the rude, sometimes by the ignorant and sometimes by the elderly, rude and ignorant. I love the last trifecta. ERIs (elderly, rude, ignorant) looovvvve to ask questions.

It will start out innocent and annoying enough. EXCUSE ME! I HAVE A RASH! WHAT WOULD BE GOOD FER IT?!?

Here we go. I ask the typical 'try to get down to the bottom of it' questions. When did it start, where is it (that one can go terribly awry), how long have you had it, is it itchy (thank you Drugmonkey), is it raised, is it dry, is it puffy, did you start using a new soap, have you been in the woods, so on and so forth...

No matter what, these old codgery fuckers always pick what THEY picked. Why fucking ask me and waste my rash curin' time if you're going to ignore my 'expertise' and give me a dirty look. Listen, I have no problem with you wasting your hard earned social security check (that I provide you) on Benadryl Gel. If you want to get that even though I told you it was useless (it really is) then fine; be my fucking guest. Get your black salve and drown yourself in it - it's your money and my time you're wasting.

It gets down to this: you want to hear me say you're right. Well, you're not. I'm sorry, but you wouldn't be guessing and/or asking if you were. I don't go to a mechanic with my car and say "could I put these bicycle tires on it, they're just as good, right?" Instead, I value their opinion so I don't crash and/or die. Take a lesson.

The next group of turds that irk me are the "I thought a pharmacist would know" assholes. A woman calls and says "What's phosphorus?" I can't conjure this, that was her question. What do you say? I said, "it's an element." That went over like a fart in church. "You don't know," asked the woman. "I just told you," I retorted. "Well what does it do?" I'm not sure what she was looking for at this point. The rest of the conversation was basically me defending my stature as a non-retarded human being. Who just sits around and thinks of this shit, seriously. I told her it's mostly used in matchtips and fireworks - not the answer she was looking for.

A woman came to the counter and said she mistakenly took her dog's heartworm medication (in a huff). "What's going to happen?," she exclaimed. After I realized she was serious, I told her to talk to poison control or her vet. How fucking stupid must you be? You took your dog's heartworm medication. How do you fuck that up? Congrats, you've made my list.

Stop making me doubt that I have a clue in life. You (the people-ish types mentioned above) need to strap it down (I have no idea what that means) and stop talking. Thanks.